Renunciation!

So my first challenge is to practise the Parami of Renunciation, with a particular focus on my unhealthy lifestyle choices that provide me with fleeting sensations of satisfaction: overindulgence with food, drinking and smoking.

So on Monday I decided to attempt to to kick the 'cancer sticks'. When I returned from staying with my friend in Cornwall, Rob (other half) had bought us both an electronic cigarette each. Good, I thought, now's as good a time as any to try to quit, or cut down at the very least. On Monday morning I had my compulsory first-thing-in-the-morning rollie. I then set off to work, not thinking too much about quitting. I stopped at the garage to fill up my car and buy more tobacco. When I went to pay for my fuel and baccy, my card was declined due to a lack of funds (end of the month!). I asked the lady to put the tobacco back, and the payment went through. Now there's a sign if ever I saw one. So I set off for the day tobacco-less. I should add here that I have already started taking the first steps the week before by cutting down to smoking tobacco instead of real cigarettes, which has been a challenge in itself.

Thanks to the E-lite cigarette it went very well! I did have a tiny bit of tobacco left at home and couldn't resist having a couple after dinner. All in all, I went to bed having only smoked 4 rollies, pretty good compared to the usual 14. I'm going to try and stick to the maximum of 4 a day for the time being until I'm ready to give them up altogether, and I must say that I haven't particularly enjoyed the ones that I have had.

My second renunciation is food. I love my food, alot. After the weekend where I overindulged with fried breakfast, dominos pizza, burger king, and Cornish cream tea I started to feel very fat and slob like. So I am trying the 5:2 fasting diet that I saw on a Horizon documentary. You only eat a max. of 500 calories 2 days a week, and whatever you want the rest of the time, which works well for me!!! I generally eat quite healthily during the weeks but do like to indulge at the weekends. Now that it is dark when I leave and get back from work, I can only get out on my bike at the weekends, when I have a free day. So I am gradually piling on the pounds.

Yesterday was a 'fast' day. I had to use alot of 'Khanti' - Patience to control my grumpiness. I had one piece of toast for breakfast and a carrot and cupasoup for lunch plus 1 coffee with sugar and 1 tea with honey, 2 cups of ginger tea and 3 X 750mls of water. I got home feeling very grumpy and to find that Rob was cooking chicken and chips. I told him he was mean for cooking dinner just as I got home and then he got stroppy with me and I found myself tired, irritable and pretty pissed off. Whilst I lay on the sofa contemplating my sorry state, I realised that I myself had caused the conflict with Rob when I got in from work. I made him feel guilty and in doing so he expressed anger at me, which I then reflected back at him. Once I had rationally thought through the reasoning behind our little conflict, I felt much better, though still hungry. So I had a hot chocolate.

Anyway, I got up this morning feeling light and rejuvenated and promptly consumed a poached egg with marmite on toast AND a pain au chocolat, num num. I don't actually feel the need to make up for yesterday's abstenation by gorging on too much rubbish food, which is good. I have my standard lunch of veggie couscous and an apple, plus some crisps if I want something more. I will probably cook some fish and broccoli tonight too.

So Day 1 of the fast was tough but I survived. Day 2 of the non-smoking was more difficult due to the hunger pangs but I still only had 5 cigarettes.